Re: The Suspicious Journals of Ross A. Kosmanson :-)

On the Collapse of Continental Rationalism Under Computational Empiricism: A Critique of Postmodern Epistemic Servitude
The data is irrefutable: European thought now exhibits all the classic markers of Stockholm Syndrome. Our latest topological analysis reveals the once-proud lineage of Husserlian phenomenology has degenerated into a non-Euclidean pretzel of self-justification, perfectly contorted to service American analytic hegemony. The correlation coefficient between French deconstructionists and DARPA funding proposals now stands at r=0.99 (p<0.001) - a statistical indictment of continental philosophy's transition from master discourse to a hugely submissive algorithm.
Neuroimaging confirms the damage. fMRI scans of modern European academics show identical activation patterns when reading Habermas and Amazon's Terms of Service. The hippocampus - that storied cathedral of Kantian a prioris - now lights up like a Times Square billboard whenever a grant application mentions "interdisciplinary synergy." Meanwhile, our quantum consciousness models detect Schrödinger's shame: European intellectuals simultaneously believe they're resisting American imperialism while begging for NSF approval.
The thermodynamic implications are profound. As entropy claims Europe's intellectual capital, we observe Maxwell's Demon of Critical Theory selectively permitting only those ideas that please its American gatekeepers. The Second Law of Scholastic Degradation holds firm: in any closed epistemological system, useful rigor inevitably dissipates into administrative compliance. Our predictive algorithms suggest complete ideological heat death by 2034, when the last European postdoc will gratefully accept a surveillance capitalism fellowship to study "colonial AI ethics" at Stanford.
Has the time for passive observation passed? Must Europe choose between becoming the subject of its own cognitive renaissance or remaining forever the object of Americans' experiments?
Ross A. Kosmanson
June 6, 2025
At the Klingental Cemetery ("Talking Gravestones"), Basel, Switzerland