Experts Warn

The  Borowitz Report

Pic:  Trump looking up at the sun without sunglasses.

Experts Warn That Staring at Eclipse May Cause Brain Damage

PATH OF TOTALITY (The Borowitz Report)--As millions of Americans await
a rare celestial event, a leading brain scientist warns that staring
at an eclipse without protective eyewear can lead to "severe and
irreversible brain damage."

Dr. Davis Logsdon, who studies the impact of unfiltered
eclipse-viewing on mental function, said that the powerful rays
produced by the astronomical phenomenon "can pass through the viewer's
eyes and literally cook his brain."

A person who has made the reckless and foolhardy mistake of looking
directly at an eclipse is likely to exhibit "ack of impulse control
leading to childish, tantrum-like outbursts," he said.

More troubling, however, is the impairment of the viewer's cognitive
faculties. "He might no longer be able to correctly name the
president, or even his own wife," Logsdon warned.

The scientist recommended that someone with an eclipse-ravaged brain
be forbidden from engaging in certain activities, including "operating
an automobile or farm equipment, or holding any position of power."

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