Re: New filk

Arthur T. <arthur@munged.invalid> writes:

If there's anyone left here, I'd like suggestions for a title.
Similarly, even I have problems keeping scansion on the third line of
the chorus, so let me know how it works for you.

I don't see obvious scansion errors but I can't tell which part is the
chorus or quite how your lyrics fit.  The original song is this, right?

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG6O4N3wxf8

I kept wanting a bridge verse, something like:

   Your thoughts hypnagogic, have inside-out logic,
   You see how they land, but not whence they flew
   Your bathypelagic[1] is where you make magic,
   The depths of your mind is a cauldron a-brew.

[1] bathypelagic zone = a very deep region of the ocean.  Yes I found
that in a rhyming dictionary.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathypelagic_zone