UPCOMING MELTDOWN ALERT!

I'm not sure who has a lot of pity for a beefaroni-swilling parasite
that molests family members but it looks like someone is casting a wide
net.

Remember I mentioned an upcoming meltdown? Here comes more excuses for
loafing!

"Beefy: A couple of weeks or maybe a month back I mentioned that I
thought I may be going through a relatively "new" experience for me - a
period of cyclic depression without any particular precipitating event
to pin it on."

Gee, could it be porn or having to do a bit of work? How about the
ongoing sage of the website nobody gives a fuck about?

"Beefy: I think I can confirm that now. The last few weeks have
definitely not been me at my best, and I absolutely recognize a lot of
dysfunctional behavior patterns in play."

So have we, Beefy. We call it "Beefy being Beefy".

"Beefy: Some of those patterns I've learned to not only recognize but
mitigate or alter. Others, unfortunately, I haven't learned to change
even though I can see them - and a bit chunk of that involves the "glue"
of depression, how it tends to spark and perpetuate behavior that
*creates* problems, thereby giving me "something to be depressed about."
It really is almost like being a separate observer in my own body
sometimes."

Drama Queen Syndrome. Hard to believe a genius would fall victim to
that.

"Beefy: I suspect that on some level this is my mind's way of resisting
the idea that it's a bit broken and sometimes it's just gonna take a
dive for no reason at all. Meanwhile, there's a struggle here that I
think is a key place where "neurotypical" and even many "neurodivergent"
people don't quite "get it." It's not that some of us who struggle with
these issues don't see our behavior, don't recognize it as negative,
don't want to change it, or don't care. But it's like trying to turn the
lights on in a room with no switches. I know it's dark. I want it to be
light. I know how light works. I know how bulbs work. I know how
switches and electricity work. But I can't find the switch.
A *ton* of my energy during the period since I left Michigan has been
spent on finding those switches that I hadn't already managed to
identify. Somewhere in me is that switch that turns off "gelatinous
mass" mode and gets me moving again. I *know* that I have the *capacity*
to control this. What I don't have yet is the location of all the
switches."

This is pure comedy gold. Send drugs to Beefy.