Local Man Laments Victim's Provocation

by Times staff
Portland, OR

Former RSPW regular John Henry posted a series of text memes today on
Facebook to address the ongoing hostilities with the Republican Party.
Henry, known for his "hands-on" approach to relationships, insisted that
the party's stance on a variety of issues is making it impossible for
him to stop attacking them.

"IF YOU STOP ACTING LIKE A REPREHENSIBLE BIGOT MAYBE PEOPLE WILL STOP
CALLING YOU ONE," he posted, on the heels of posting ""You always say
bad things about us" screams the party of those refusing to be anything
but contemptible."

"He just wishes they would stop making him brutalize them," a source
familiar with Henry's way of thinking surmised. "If only they would act
correctly, it wouldn't be necessary."

"It's like they're daring him to show them what a real man looks like,"
the source continued. "If they just toned it down, he wouldn't have to
do this."

"Those bruises are their own fault," the source concluded.