vocal

I talk a lot because I had this misguided notion that I was among friends in this world.  In reality 10% of the people around me are friendly and most of the others (secretly) hate me.  I liked to share my newfound wisdom with the populace, except that I was just fueling the enemy to steal my talents and to use them against me.  Being two-faced must not require much talent because it's ubiquitous in 50% of the population.  Somehow, I was of the notion that it was a deficit not a feature.  I got called two-faced once and it perked up my ears so that I started paying attention to the conversation with a vengeance.
It was kind of funny.  Fred has a burning hatred of me.  Him and this other two-faced guy were talking near me and Fred's muffled words required him to pitch in some harsh words and it upgraded my ability to decipher coded phrases such as "fat bitch".  The words are disguised with "bitch" being female.  You and I both know that boys get called bitch fairly often too.  Maybe I didn't learn much code breaking, yet it put front and center that people are talking about me in my presence while shielding it with distracting words.  I want to take one of them by the neck and rub my knuckles across the top of their head.  "I can hear you."  Although one false alarm and I'm toast.  All they have to do is say they weren't talking to me or about me and what do I do, call them a liar?  People are pretty good at escaping my verbal wrath too. It's not that I don't understand English as I've said in the past, but that if you imagine the Terminator when he has three options, one of which is "Fuck you asshole," my list of options is more like ten and I'm easily dismissed if I choose the wrong one.  Or they decide my right one is too close to the skin and tell me to quit having a hissy fit or whatever.  Grappling those mother fuckers might mean looking three moves ahead in the conversation.  Or I could just blow them off and defer them to the pavement.  Sometimes I get slammed doors or the silent treatment.   Out of sight out of mind.
Yes, I need to lose some weight.  Shitty food isn't helping; I order out.  At least I'm not diabetic.  I lost a lot of faith in the medical community when their rhetoric led me to believe diabetes was permanent. No, it's not.  Now, I've got to lose an additional 50 lbs, in order to get rid of my sleep apnea, something that kills people, for instance, Carrie Fisher, and Andrew Beckwith, someone you may be familiar with, too.